In the 1997 film Contact, there’s a striking scene that illustrates a lesson on leadership. The main character Ellie, played by Jodie Foster, has traveled through wormholes to a far-off planet to make first contact with extraterrestrials. Her alien-designed spacecraft has been modified by its human builders who have bolted on a pilot’s chair and safety harness; but as Ellie arrives at her celestial destination, the craft begins to vibrate forcefully. As she is shaken in her seat, Ellie suddenly notices the necklace from her pocket floating weightlessly before her, prompting her to undo her seatbelt and slip out of the chair just before it tears loose and slams into the ceiling of the craft like a magnet. Suddenly, the craft is peaceful again.
The scene conveys the vanity of trying to control a situation that one can’t, and the importance of instead leaning into it. This clarity is more needed than ever, since the language of leadership has for so long been suffused with the command and control mindset. To lead has traditionally meant to take the reins, to run the show, to lead the charge, and to call the shots.
But while the top-down approach may be useful in urgent situations and even necessary in a crisis, it doesn’t hold up to the challenges of actual, everyday leadership. The fact is that much more often in work and in life, you’ll have to lead with far less control than you’d like, and rely more on influence and trust.
Because as it turns out, your kids won’t always listen to you. Your directions won’t always be followed, your advice won’t be heeded, or your painstaking plan won’t be implemented as you’d hoped.
Which can feel frustrating, but is ok. Because if you are sincere in your aim, and can try less to determine an outcome and more to influence the environment, you may ultimately be more effective as a leader. If instead of asserting your will at the outset, you help define the context, you create more space for solutions. If you do this consistently enough that people can come to expect it from you, then your input will be more likely to be heard and even welcomed. And then you will find yourself leading in a completely different way from command and control: by asking good questions, suggesting what’s possible, identifying ways to get there, and helping others to do the same. Sometimes to lead is really to follow.
In Contact, the aliens who designed Ellie’s spacecraft trusted humankind to build and use it as specified, and by reciprocating it Ellie traveled to a place no one else ever had.
Trust and influence will take us farther than control ever could. Like Ellie, the best leaders are those with the courage to let go.
